Metamorphosis inside Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Posted on Feb 16, 2010 by Susie Collins in Blog, Eva Caballé, Guest Bloggers, MCS, Media/Videos

My most radical metamorphosis was when I fell ill with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.

By guestblogger Eva Caballé, Spain.

Originally published in Spanish at Delirio, No 5.

As originally published at Delirio online magazine.

During our lives we suffer several metamorphoses, some are painful, others are positive, chosen or not. The experience, the life itself, makes us change and evolve.

My story is not different, although my most radical metamorphosis was when I fell ill with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. But although I got sick suddenly, the process itself happened slowly. I was preparing for MCS for many years before I was aware of it. My body was warning me repeatedly without my understanding what it wanted to tell me. But how could I know that everything happening to me was the prelude to MCS? It’s almost impossible to know since information about MCS is kept secret from the public and when anyone dares to raise a voice, they are automatically silenced by those who say MCS is all in the minds of the patients.

It’s not easy to understand what happens to you as you search for a diagnosis, all the while trying not to fail during the long journey while you are riddled with attempts to damage your self-esteem as you struggle with a more diminished health status every day. The last stage of this particular metamorphosis happens when you finally know what it is happening: you have MCS. And then you start to reconsider the life you have known before in order to adapt yourself and to survive into the future.

As this article appears in Delirio No. 5

All of us have gone through the stage of crying over things that we have lost, to hate what we have become. Where is that tireless and impulsive person who took the world by storm? It’s a natural, healthy and necessary stage. But oddly, then comes the most difficult thing: to find our place in this new world in which we’re doomed to live.

And surprisingly, when I thought that my life couldn’t be more foreseeable and monotonous, from the prison that my house has become, another metamorphosis started, this time deeper and visceral. This time my metamorphosis was chosen.

The need to communicate, to let the world know that I’m still alive, to cry out for my own rights and the rights of millions of people who suffer MCS in the whole world, led me to write. My timid voice started to be heard on my blog, No Fun, and then gathered strength thanks to Delirio’s articles, which were translated into several languages. And the first of them, “The Naked Truth about MCS,” was read on the Spanish Radio 3 program Carne Cruda. It was then that I finally dared to do something I had never imagined I would ever do: to write a book.

My book, Missing: A Life Broken by Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

The extremely reserved person that I used to be has disappeared, in order to be able to tell my story to the world, as I dig into the deepest places of my being. Missing: A Life Broken by Multiple Chemical Sensitivity is a fulfilled wish as I report the situation in which we live. It’s my metamorphosis inside the metamorphosis of living with MCS. It’s my testimony, my life, my reflections. It’s also my contribution to the fight we’re doing at an international level to have MCS fully recognized. My book is the clearest proof that MCS didn’t take away my essence or my attitude; MCS didn’t steal my dreams but rather it changed my dreams so that I could help others.

My wish is that a lot of books will be written by people who are “missing” because of MCS so that the public knows we exist. We are ill, but no one will silence us.

Originally published at Delirio, No 5.

Republished in English at NO FUN.

Translation: Oscar Varona (from Delirio’s team) and Eva Caballé with help from Susie Collins.

Japanese and German versions to follow soon.

~~~

Editor’s note: Eva Caballé is the author of the recently published book in Spanish Desaparecida: Una vida rota por la sensibilidad química múltiple (Missing: A life broken by Multiple Chemical Sensitivities) published by El Viejo Topo, Barcelona, Spain, 2009. She blogs at NO FUN. Read more about Eva’s book in an interview, link here. And read more about Eva’s previous essays in Delirio, link here.

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Tags: Books, MCS, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

14 Responses to “Metamorphosis inside Multiple Chemical Sensitivity”

Eva Caballé

16. Feb, 2010

Thank you so much for your support! It’s an honour to have my article published at The Canary Report. And special thanks to Susie for helping me with the English translation!
Hugs,
Eva

Reply to this comment
- Susie Collins
  
  17. Feb, 2010
  
  Two wings up, Eva! Great essay. xoxo
  
  Reply to this comment
Connie Rae

16. Feb, 2010

“It’s my metamorphosis inside the metamorphosis of living with MCS. It’s my testimony, my life, my reflections. It’s also my contribution to the fight we’re doing at an international level to have MCS fully recognized. My book is the clearest proof that MCS didn’t take away my essence or my attitude; MCS didn’t steal my dreams but rather it changed my dreams so that I could help others.

My wish is that a lot of books will be written by people who are “missing” because of MCS so that the public knows we exist. We are ill, but no one will silence us.”

All the words in your blog were moving, but the above paragraphs said what I have felt about MCS and the spiritual journey that continued to overflow into the lives of others, that wasn’t aborted or stopped by the hellish chemical that hurt me.
From the moment I realized what had happened to me, I had hoped to write a book, but that particular book has been written several times over and now Canary Report is collecting all the inspirations and art work that I had wanted in my little book to encourage those newly hurt. TCR is global. What a voice.
But I still have words tumbling around inside me that must come out and be ordered onto pages in a book.
Your wishes for more books are mine as well, and I hope someday, one of mine joins the others that have already been written.
Thank you for your courage.

Reply to this comment
Mokihana

16. Feb, 2010

Beautiful communication, Eva

I loved reading your experiences with the metamorphosis of your greatest self. This line, “And then you start to reconsider the life you have known before in order to adapt yourself and to survive into the future,” holds a very subtle yet very powerful verb … an action that offers us a vital choice. The verb is “adapt”. Throughout my life and especially now that I am living with the experiences and metamorphoses (more than one … smiling…) I make a conscious decision NOT TO ADAPT. It is an act of the most compassionate sort of activism, I believe. Instead of ADAPTING to the environment and the circumstances of an Earth toxified I compassionately view my challenges and ADJUST my thinking, ADJUST my actions, ADJUST my choices and just as you said, “MCS does not take away your essence.” Adaptation will take away ones essence, I think. Adjustments retain our core value; then we morph into a being filled with grace … a being born for this.

Reply to this comment
OhZone

17. Feb, 2010

That sounds almost like my story up to the point of writing a book. Instead I write on message boards anytime a subject remotely related comes up. I think if I was to starts the threads I would soon be banned as a spammer, so I play it kind of cool.
I harp a lot on the effects the chemicals and food additives have on our children. I point out that 2 tablespoons of MSG will kill a dog. I point out that in the 1950′s Autism was unheard of and today it affects 1 out of 67 children. I’m usually ignored, but I keep repeating anyway.

Reply to this comment
- celia
  
  23. Mar, 2010
  
  *laughing uncomfortably*
  
  yes, I’ve been ignored or . . . told to back off on other sites, too–
  
  as a result, I am very cautious–
  
  this is just familiar–
  
  Reply to this comment
Sylvia Evelyn

17. Feb, 2010

Wonderful essay, Eva! I’m highly grateful to you and Susie for publishing it here at TCR.
You encourage us to participate in global awareness of MCS by writing our own articles or books. Maybe some of us will do so!
Hugs to you and all!

Reply to this comment
Ronnie

17. Feb, 2010

Your beautiful writing and framing of the struggle perfectly captures my own journey, as well.

Thank you for writing this book and for sharing your experiences both with the MCS community and the rest of the world.

I feel validated and supported reading your story.

Reply to this comment
Jasmine

17. Feb, 2010

Thank you for speaking our truth Eva!

Reply to this comment
Eva Caballé

03. Mar, 2010

Thanks a lot for all this compliments!

Dear Connie, I wish you can write this book that you have inside you. I’m so proud to be part of TCR! Thank you for your beautiful comment.

Thanks Mokihana. About the verb “adapt”, what I try to explain is that I had to quit my job, I had to start emailing with my friends instead of meeting them in a bar, I had to sell my apartment and find a new one, I had to change all my clothing and furniture… And I had to make all this changes to survive. I think that in Spanish there is not such a big difference between adapt and adjust, I didn’t use it as a synonymous of conform, and for your explanation I suppose that adjust describes this process better. Thanks for your reflections!

OhZone, I think that it’s good that we share our knowledge with other people. I also try to educate my family, my friends and all the lectors of my blog about the terrible effects of the chemicals.

Dear Sylvia, thanks for your kind words. I’m glad you’ve liked it. I couldn’t have done this translation without Susie’s help! I wish you can write a book, because, reading your poems, I’m sure it would be great. Hugs!

Thanks Ronnie for your kind words. I’m happy that my article captures also your own journey and that you feel validated with it!

You’re welcome Jasmine. Thank you for being always by my side!

Reply to this comment
celia

23. Mar, 2010

las palabras de usted son hermosas. (Forgive my Spanish; I minored in it almost 40 years ago and haven’t used it much since)–

40 years ago “hermosa” was used for beautiful, but I am not sure anymore; languages evolve.

You are a powerful writer. Thank you.

Reply to this comment
Eva Caballé

27. Mar, 2010

Thanks Celia! I’m glad that you’ve liked it. Your Spanish is perfect!! Hermosa still means beautiful.
Thanks a lot for your kind words!
Eva

Reply to this comment
Amy

07. Apr, 2010

Eva, you are a beautiful writer. In this experience, you have gained an eloquent and powerful way of communicating. We are so fortunate to have you speaking up so well about MCS.

There is often a lot of anger when people speak up, and this causes people to automatically stop listening. You have a wonderful balance to your words. I pray that the world will listen. Will listen to us all.

When are we going to see an english version of your book?

Reply to this comment
Eva Caballé

12. Apr, 2010

Thanks for your kind words Amy! I’ve just read your post “Why my life is better because of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity” and I’ve loved your point of view!

I agree that anger it’s not the way to spread MCS. I pray with you that the world will listen to us all.

I wish I have the English version of my book! Unfortunately I don’t know any American editorial who would be interested in publish my book in English. But I will keep on trying!

All the best,
Eva

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