Naming the canary

Posted on Jul 31, 2009 by Susie Collins in Blog, Guest Bloggers, MCS, Media/Videos

Have you given your canary a name?

Post by guest blogger Amy Pratt.

I am a Human Canary – A Self-Poisoner – I am Chemically Sensitive.

One of my first steps in healing was to acknowledge I have an illness – So I named my canary. It was a step taken, a first step – of many – in reclaiming my life.

For me, a simple walk to the store down the street could make me ill for days, weeks or longer. Every day we are all exposed to THOUSANDS of chemicals. They are not as harmless as we are led to believe. How absurd is it to get violently ill from everyday products like “air fresheners,” soaps, cleaning chemicals, paints, glues, and carpet shampoo.

My canary is Lucy – aka – The Angry Canary.

Her name is Lucy, because sometimes I’m not all that lucid. I have cognitive limitations now.

I have empowered myself with Lucy. By giving her a name, I can then give her form.

The idea of her being a Tattoo is a way for me to deal with my denial issues. The brief pain of the drawing in blood, the tattooing – and its healing – is nothing to the pain I have endured – There is no escape – from the damage done by chemicals – the commitment I made to bearing Lucy is nothing to what she has given me back. Every day is a gamble. More like a crap shoot or Russian roulette for us canaries. So it is a very good thing that Lucy is also lucky.

Lucy can be very ironic. She was a risk, as is so much more than I could have ever imagined. It is ironic how tattoos can be healing, and yet they are toxic. It is a risk, as is life itself -

She has helped me to heal, to tell my story, to HELP PREVENT others from my fate. I am not proud of becoming a canary, I am too angry to let it happen to others – So Lucy speaks for me when I cannot.

She is angry, so I don’t need to be – she can deal with it better than I can.

Anger is not the same as being bitter, anger can empower change whereas bitterness poisons the soul and constricts hope.

Bitterness is the only poison we have any control of.

It is still hard to talk about Lucy to my family and friends – I don’t want to freak anyone out, they will when they know just how bad (ill) I can be.

I feel that I am a hypocrite – I am trying to fight denial of my own and of others, and I still cannot always talk about it.

It is easier to talk to strangers sometimes.

I had created Lucy to help me with my anger and denial issues. She has helped me to be more confident in discussing my disability of chemically induced asthma and other MCS related problems.

She starts conversations, I finish them. I am not a social butterfly – Lucy helps to start conversations. I know She and I have helped to speak for us Human Canaries – A classmate of mine even did our portrait.

I will try to honor Lucy by continuing this blog.

What is your canary’s name?

Photo by Amy Pratt.

Amy is a potter who developed the first signs of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity in 1997. This post was originally published on Amy’s blog at The Canary Report’s social network. Read more about Amy and her pottery.

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Tags: Art, Chemicals, MCS, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, Support

26 Responses to “Naming the canary”

Susie Collins

01. Aug, 2009

Aloha Amy, thank you for sharing your story about Lucy. You’ve expressed yourself beautifully. xoxo

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Leslie

01. Aug, 2009

ANger is certainly one of the worst killers. One of the best things i have learned after being sick for so many years now- is that what makes me the most sick is being angry and stressed out. Dr Andrew Weil once said that if we stay stressed out long enough, that our adrenals actually begin to make neurotoxins that kill our own brain cells! Holy toodles, that is messed up.
Anger is also a good motivater and a natural emotion that we have to move through time to time.
I think that whatever creative way it takes to cope, deal, and move thorugh all our emotions without being hung up on guilt or what others think – is a great tool!

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linda

01. Aug, 2009

There are different reasons for anger, some which we can learn to understand and control and indeed do need to, and others which are much more difficult, since they are as a result of the toxic chemicals accessing parts of our brain and causing involuntary reactions.

The Tibetan buddhists have some of the best teachings on anger and emotions that I have seen. They have really helped me understand the difference between my chemical induced emotional states and my natural states, and not get into any guilt or other self blame trips that are so common with people with MCS.

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Sonda

01. Aug, 2009

Well bless your heart——
Does that phrase tell my age & background!!
And I am so glad the tattoo didn’t kill you——as the ink & what it takes to get a tattoo at this point in my life would kill me!!!
I have had health problems for sooooooooooooooooooo many years now & it took soooooooooooooooooooo many doctors & soooooooooooooo many tests——- & life changes & years before anyone could tell me what was wrong with me—
I’m over 60 years old—- & first started having problems when I was about 7 years old & we owned a dairy & I sprayed the 50 to 60 head of cows we milked every night & every morning with chemicals to clean the cows & their bags before we milked!!
I lived on a farm & we used chemicals on the farm!
Then I left home & went to Cosmetology school & then owned several salons & worked for hair coloring companies for years teaching other cosmetologist coloring processes at beauty trade shows!!
I have had health problems sooooooooooo long I can’t remember NOT having them!!
So I’m not bitter as it has been my life!!! I have never ever known anything different!!
I have been the lab rat for way tooooooooooooo many doctors over the years–
And found most of them didn’t have a clue & were experimenting on me!!
I learned a long long long time ago—— how to listen to my own body & you know more about your own body than anyone else & if you don’t then you need to learn to stop & listen!!!
I learned a long long time ago & didn’t need any more expensive tests or more doctors to label something— Or to tell me what I had problems with!!
My road with MCS has been soooooooooo long I can’t remember not sharing my life with MCS!! It has almost become an old friend now—– & I have learned how to live with this moody pain in the butt most of the time room mate I have that is MCS!!
In the past 5 to 7 years — people call me- write to me—- e-mail me—-seek me out to listen to them—& MOST OF ALL GIVE THEM HOPE!!!! As they all have these health problems & they have been every where to doctor after doctor & test after test & no help!!!
I think first is to LISTEN—- & THEN ENCOURAGE & THEN GIVE HOPE!! AND THEN TEACH THEM TO SLOW DOWN -BACK UP—- & USE COMMON SENSE & LISTEN TO THEIR OWN BODIES!! And if they still are with ya— then help them to set up a “safe home” the best they can no matter where they are or their living conditions!!!!!!!!
I have been doing this for hundreds of people now——
many many years ago I said to God -one day—–if I’m going to live with these health problems (MCS) then let me use it to the best of YOUR ADVANTAGE!
And from that very day on people from all over the world have found me– I don’t advertise—– I don’t anything—– God sends them to me—- for HOPE in their lives when it seems no one else cares!!!!!!
I have lost count of all the people & families God has sent to me!!
Every day I spend several hours listening to what people’s needs are—& I offer them “HOPE”!!!
SO I HAVE NAMED MY CANARY “HOPE”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for asking!!!

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Amy

01. Aug, 2009

Hello Hope,
Thanks for answering
Lucy

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Julie Genser

01. Aug, 2009

I don’t want to rain on Amy’s parade…so glad she found something that helps her feel empowered. But as someone who has researched tattoos and wrote an article on them (http://www.naturalnews.com/022073.html), I would feel irresponsible if I didn’t post this so other MCSers won’t think it’s okay to go out and get a tattoo as part of their “path to healing.” Top EI physicians such as William Rea, MD advocate AVOIDANCE of toxins as the path to healing. Injecting oneself with any foreign substance that will remain in the skin for a lifetime is really risky! Especially a toxic, potentially carcinogenic printing ink! What if one were to sensitize to the ink and/or carrier substances, which is common for MCSers? I heard of one MCS woman who went out and got a tattoo to celebrate recovering from MCS and she then got her MCS back from it. PLEASE, think twice before getting a tattoo. Not just if you have MCS, but any healthy person should seriously think about the long-term health effects.

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Susie Collins

01. Aug, 2009

Julie, I appreciate your position. Amy made it perfectly clear that the tattoo is toxic, that of course is the point and the power of the story: the dichotomy of the act. I did not think this post in any way advocated for people with MCS to go out and get a tattoo as part of their path to healing. This is one woman’s story, and a powerful one at that.

BTW, I recently learned there are new tattoo inks now made with organic pigment, witch hazel, alcohol, no lead, no cadmium, no nickel. Not completely safe in terms of toxic chemicals, but much safer. Again, not advocating.

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Missy

02. Aug, 2009

powerful story and I thank you for it – very timely as I continue to struggle with anger as I know my MCS and issues should not have happened – and that laws need to be changed so that employers can’t stick their heads in the sand and ignore sick bldgs.
I will have to think about the name of my canary – some days it is empowerment, some days it is change, some days it is fear, some days denial….
Be well, all of you.

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Cynthia Perkins

02. Aug, 2009

I’m sorry too, but I’d have to go with Julie on this one. It is not made clear in this post that tattoos are extremely toxic. There is just one sentence that says she knew it was a risk and it was toxic, but then she rationalizes the choice by saying everything in life is a risk. Yes most things in life are a risk, but there are risks we should take and risks we shouldn’t take. Injecting your body with toxins as a mode of healing when you have MCS is irresponsible and preposterous. Not the kind of post I would expect to see or find empowering on an MCS blog or a blog that educates about the dangers of environmental toxins. There are many other healthier ways to express ourselves, use as a conversation maker and to deal with denial and anger. The post is also contradictory to encouraging health because the first sentence says “I am a self poisoner.” Yes, when most of us find out we have MCS, we “were” self poisoners because we were unaware of how our actions were impacting our health. However, the main goal in healing is to become aware and “stop” being a self poisoner and getting a tattoo after an MCS diagnosis is continuing to be a self poisoner. We should not be encouraging people to continue to be a self poisoner or label themselves as such. If you’re still labeling yourself as one, then you haven’t gone very far in the healing process and aren’t engaging in healthy behaviors that are crucial to protect your health. Most of us who have been on the healing path for many years will be wise enough to know this is not the kind of behavior we should engage in, but many newbies could read this post and have no awareness whatsoever of the toxicity of a tattoo and think it is something they can do without consequences. Just because Amy is not exhibiting any immediate reaction from the tattoo does not mean that it is not impacting her health. These kinds of toxins do very low level damage slowly over the years that sometimes aren’t noticeable as they are happening. They will slowly leach into the body and destroy it silently. I don’t see this as a powerful message. I see it as irresponsible and promoting self-destructive and unhealthy behaviors.

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Susie Collins

02. Aug, 2009

Cynthia, with due respect, you are missing the point of the post. And, I take exception to people trying to define my blog. My blog is about exploring the diversity of MCS issues and about supporting people with MCS regardless of their chosen behavior. Who are we to judge Amy’s decision? Of course the topic is controversial! That’s one of the points of the post! D’oh. It’s called a human interest story. It’s interesting, it gets you thinking about other perspectives, it stretches your mind, it gives you an opportunity to practice tolerance and acceptance, it generates love and compassion (or at least it should). Again, the post made very clear that the tattoo has the potential of being toxic. I can’t help it if someone is not a careful reader. I trust my readers to understand the complexity of this issue, to think, to analyze, to get the point. Sorry it’s been lost to some.

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Cynthia Perkins

02. Aug, 2009

And with due respect to you too Susie. I didn’t define your blog. That is one of the ways you market yourself — as the #1 environmental health blog. So that is why I thought that was your goal. It is the logical conclusion to come to, but apparently I am mistaken. I apologize for misunderstanding your goal. Additionally, I was a careful reader, that post has only three words in it that say anything about the toxicity of tattoos, so it clearly does not make it clear that tattoos are toxic. So yes, naturally some people are not going to view this post in the same way that you do. That does not mean we are missing the point. It means there are many points in this post and what we are seeing is valid as well. No one is judging Amy’s decision, we are sharing our thoughts on this post, which is what you wanted.

Reply to this comment
Julie Genser

02. Aug, 2009

I think it’s wonderful that people are resonating with Amy’s post and finding strength in it. I do not want to detract from that. The reason I posted was because I felt compelled to restate how toxic tattoos are and that they are not a good choice for someone who already has MCS. Just like I would caution anyone from taking up smoking or drinking or doing drugs after they have EI. There are plenty of people with MCS who do it. There are EIs who use regular paint, Susie, not just because of a color choice, but because it might cure quicker than a No-VOC paint. But applying a toxic paint and offgassing it well before using the room is far different than injecting toxic foreign substances into one’s body.

Of course you are free to post any content you want on your site. But I don’t think anyone can deny that featuring a story like this on the front page with members commenting how wonderful and empowering a post it is can implicitly give weight to the content. And someone who always wanted a tattoo, has MCS brain damage and can’t think through the consequences clearly, might just be encouraged by this post to go out and get an empowering tattoo themselves.

I never suggested to remove the post, I merely suggested a disclaimer might be helpful. I love your blog and am not trying to be critical of you or how you run it. I just felt compelled to give a warning because I had previously written an article on just that topic…

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Susie Collins

02. Aug, 2009

Cynthia and Julie, Okay, thanks. I get ferocious about defending people’s right to express themselves artistically. I’m not the warmest, kindest person in a debate. It’s a strength and a fault. I appreciate you both talking me down.

Julie, I had actually wanted to post the link to your article in tandem with the post, but did not want it taken in the context of rebutting Amy’s thoughts. The beauty part about blogs is that eventually, through the community, all sides are told.

I appreciate your support.

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Kimberly Shaw

02. Aug, 2009

I have never really thought about a name, but my husband calls me “the adventurous canary.” My canary is a bit adventurous, kinda like the Curious George of the canary world perhaps, always curious and exploring.

Amy, thank you for sharing!!!

Warmly,
Kimberly

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julia

02. Aug, 2009

I don’t think we should judge any of it….everyone has a choice in terms of healing and how they express their anger at this situation. I want to take that chain off the canaries neck though.

No matter what our situation the freedom we have is within. we can be free no matter what-
maybe that is why I have a profile picture of a phoenix rising out of the ashes.

thank you for sharing Amy’s story and this blog- Julia

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Susie Collins

03. Aug, 2009

Kimberly, I am always inspired by your adventurous spirit!

Julia, thank you for your thoughts and kind words about the blog. I, too, was struck by the difference between the canary in my logo and Amy’s canary in her tattoo. Mine is upright, free and singing, and Amy’s stooped and trapped. Each are extreme depictions, with the subjective truth somewhere in the middle most likely. The important thing is that as a bonded flock, open and nonjudgmental toward each other, we are stronger and more balanced as individuals.

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john hanna

17. Aug, 2009

VERY interesting to read about Lucy and your situation. It helps to understand better.
There must be a solution. See you soon. John

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Connie Rae

29. Sep, 2009

This was a spirited discussion. I liked the way it was handled. The article didn’t challenge me to get a tattoo, it got me thinking about my ‘Canary’ as an entity…fun…theraputic. I guess my Canary already has a name, I call her ‘Wild’ cause I am originally from NJ and that is our state bird. It seemed appropriate as I was migrating and finally exiled by chemicals. Wild could also define how the reactions impact my emotions, or the way I approach life, with abandon Joy when I am having a good day. I also do wildcrafting and when I give someone my potpourri or dried herbal teas, I say it is from the Wild Canary. Thanks to all for an interesting, thought provoking read.

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Susie Collins

30. Sep, 2009

Aloha Connie! Amy will love that her post is still inspiring others. I know that feeling of joy on a good day! It’s true, those days feel wild and free. I love that you wildcraft your own potpourri.

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Amy

30. Sep, 2009

Hello Wild, and thank you.
I have been working on part 2, “The Value of a Name”. I hope to post it soon.

Susie- thanks for your support
I am surprised that no one has given me any flack for working in the potery studio.

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Susie Collins

30. Sep, 2009

Oh goodie Amy, part 2! I look forward to it!

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Amy and Lucy

22. Oct, 2009

This is my initial responce to my first blog posting of “Naming OUR Canary”
Comment by Amy Pratt on July 20, 2009 at 8:52pm
Thank you Sister,

You ask “How do I name this illness?” I have not – I have named what it has done to me – How I relate to it.

Its laugh, cry or scream – Lucy got her name years before she was perched on my arm. It was in 2005, when I was trying to tell my Union Rep- that I was most lucid in the mornings – only I said “I am most Lucy” instead.

I worked nights, so no one recieved calls from me before noon. It took me a long time that morning to realize I wasn’t all – there – and this was before I took any drugs that day. I was very ill and off of work for months. I was perscribed all sorts of stuff that made me dysfunctional.

Realizing just how “out of it” I can get during and as a result of exposures is still very unsettling.

I am still amazed at how many people have no clue of how canaries saved the coal miners-

Thank You- I am almost done with part 2

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Susie Collins

24. Oct, 2009

Amy, I love how you express yourself and I can’t wait to see Part 2.

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deborah

30. Mar, 2010

I have had perfume allergies..it seems forever…i remember my kids spilling a bottle of avon perfume on my in door out door carpet..and my head ache was ..so bad..also the carpet i found made me sick…i later had eaten chocolate and tomatoes..smoked cigerates.my lips swelled up and my face had to get adrillin shots..to bring down swelling…then i was sent to an allergy specalist and given allergy shots for 5 yrs..for grass weeds trees dust mold..and was told..to avoid the perfume….lol..how??then it got worse causing problems for me..to try to travell to work the perfume in the car made me ill.it used to be sinus infestions constantely…then..its .changed to..swollen lymth nodes.and swelling in my throat or tounge..mussle spazems in my bowel..followed by bladder in fections.it usually happens from laundry detergent..perfume colgne..some hair products.I do better in public..but a visitor in my house..with that stuff on and i;m .sick for .a couple weeks.. I realise the products i can use .and i do well but its other peoples ..sented stuff that makes me ill…

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Vickie Fowles

30. Mar, 2010

Remember dear canaries…..we are birds, not cats.
Cats are enemies of birds. I can attest to that, as I tried to save a bird from the clutches of a cat.

Please…refrain from cat fights. We all err. We are all concerned. One of the things I love about the C. R. is that
we can express ourselves and be understood or consoled.

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Kikilani

06. Aug, 2010

I relate to the reaction people have had to the tattoo… agast! Alarm! Danger! I felt it reading the first post. This felt the same as when my daughter, on her 5th year of cancer recovery, went out and got a tattoo to celebrate. I felt ill inside when she told me. It is a beautiful, big tattoo, but as a holistic doctor who helped her get well, I know the risks. I have learned to be tolerant though, and just told her how beautiful it was and I was glad it made her happy. I think perhaps her happiness will help her biochemistry be strong. If asked though, I would say, “NO TATTOOS!” Our skin is our only protection from the outside world.

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