Have you given your canary a name?
Post by guest blogger Amy Pratt.
I am a Human Canary – A Self-Poisoner – I am Chemically Sensitive.
One of my first steps in healing was to acknowledge I have an illness – So I named my canary. It was a step taken, a first step – of many – in reclaiming my life.
For me, a simple walk to the store down the street could make me ill for days, weeks or longer. Every day we are all exposed to THOUSANDS of chemicals. They are not as harmless as we are led to believe. How absurd is it to get violently ill from everyday products like “air fresheners,” soaps, cleaning chemicals, paints, glues, and carpet shampoo.
My canary is Lucy – aka – The Angry Canary.
Her name is Lucy, because sometimes I’m not all that lucid. I have cognitive limitations now.
I have empowered myself with Lucy. By giving her a name, I can then give her form.
The idea of her being a Tattoo is a way for me to deal with my denial issues. The brief pain of the drawing in blood, the tattooing – and its healing – is nothing to the pain I have endured – There is no escape – from the damage done by chemicals – the commitment I made to bearing Lucy is nothing to what she has given me back. Every day is a gamble. More like a crap shoot or Russian roulette for us canaries. So it is a very good thing that Lucy is also lucky.
Lucy can be very ironic. She was a risk, as is so much more than I could have ever imagined. It is ironic how tattoos can be healing, and yet they are toxic. It is a risk, as is life itself -
She has helped me to heal, to tell my story, to HELP PREVENT others from my fate. I am not proud of becoming a canary, I am too angry to let it happen to others – So Lucy speaks for me when I cannot.
She is angry, so I don’t need to be – she can deal with it better than I can.
Anger is not the same as being bitter, anger can empower change whereas bitterness poisons the soul and constricts hope.
Bitterness is the only poison we have any control of.
It is still hard to talk about Lucy to my family and friends – I don’t want to freak anyone out, they will when they know just how bad (ill) I can be.
I feel that I am a hypocrite – I am trying to fight denial of my own and of others, and I still cannot always talk about it.
It is easier to talk to strangers sometimes.
I had created Lucy to help me with my anger and denial issues. She has helped me to be more confident in discussing my disability of chemically induced asthma and other MCS related problems.
She starts conversations, I finish them. I am not a social butterfly – Lucy helps to start conversations. I know She and I have helped to speak for us Human Canaries – A classmate of mine even did our portrait.
I will try to honor Lucy by continuing this blog.
What is your canary’s name?
Photo by Amy Pratt.
Amy is a potter who developed the first signs of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity in 1997. This post was originally published on Amy’s blog at The Canary Report’s social network. Read more about Amy and her pottery.
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